Understanding Donors

I’m fortunate - I’ve gotten to experience a side of giving that few people have seen. I’m one of only a handful of people to work as an in-house fundraiser for a multi-billionaire. That work led me to meet several more extraordinarily wealthy people and ask them questions about how they give money away.

As fundraisers, it’s our quest to unravel the mystery of what motivates individuals to give. This quest is the fun part. You get to be Sherlock Holmes, solving puzzles about how wealth works in unique family situations. Here are a few clues to help you solve the donor psychology mystery.

The scope and scale of wealth are very different. I know billionaires who consider themselves small-time because they aren’t worth tens or hundreds of billions. Don’t get me wrong, the rich know they’re rich, but they are like most of us - they know many wealthier people. I saw Elon Musk give an interview right after he was named the wealthiest person in the world by Forbes magazine. In the interview, he said, “Yes, sure, but they don’t measure royal families. I’m sure there are many wealthier people in the Saudi Royal family”. Every wealthy person knows a wealthier person.

The boundaries are different. If you grew up in a small town or a poorer part of a city, you might know people who never left. As the economics of their situation improve, you’ll start to see people take road trips or even a flight once a year. At another level, they fly several times a year, but mainly in the US. Then there are the international flights. And then there are the private jets. As your wealth increases, so do your boundaries and the scope of your imagination. You might say, “My favorite restaurant is Billy’s, up the street,” while your wealthier friend might say, “My favorite place to grab sushi is in Tokyo, but my favorite restaurant of all time is in Paris.”

The vocabulary is different. One of the best things you can do as a fundraiser is start learning the terms of wealthy people. Your fundraising success will improve when you don’t have to tune out the non-philanthropy conversations your donors are having. You’ll notice they use words like “allocate” instead of “write a check.” You’ll learn about a “family office” and why you should sit up and pay attention when someone mentions it. You’ll hear people talk about “shifting resources” or “moving funds,” and you’ll know nonprofits are about to yield the reward. You’ll roll your eyes whenever someone talks about “legacy” because that’s just financial advisor shorthand for “keep all your money.” “Where are you based out of” becomes better than “Where do you live” because folks live worldwide.

Millionaires are very different from billionaires. If you do this work long enough, you will run into a few millionaires. You might never run into a billionaire. A millionaire might say, “I’ve worked hard and earned this Ferrari.” The billionaire might not have learned they’ve owned a vacation home for several years.

Family money is very different from new money. The upbringing within a well-to-do lineage can instill a sense of entitlement and familiarity with abundant living. But it can also mean that you don’t show your wealth - some will consider it gauche to purchase a mega yacht and a Lamborghini when you could easily use your grandfather’s sailboat or drive the Mini Cooper your family keeps for guests.

Those who built their wealth embody an ardent pursuit of accomplishment, a diligent work ethic, and a sincere desire to substantiate their newfound status. They are often insecure, especially if they’re still in an accumulation mindset. They are more willing to take risks, and their giving could be more professionalized.

Money doesn’t make you happy, but it does make you powerful. I know miserable people who are fabulously wealthy, and I know people who are rich and having the time of their lives. Money acts as a magnifier - if you were a jerk before you made money, you are 100x the jerk with 100x the money. Having this money also means having power, and you’ll see that this often comes with an embarrassing amount of privilege. People always return your emails. You rarely have to go to others - people will come to you. You don’t have to be nice.

That privilege also comes with extraordinary opportunities for fundraisers. If you can get someone outside of their bubble, you can magnify the impact of your program efforts by exposing them to your work. If you’ve grown up every Saturday getting up early every day to visit your Uncle John in prison, a philanthropic site visit to prison will have minimal impact on you. But if you took a private jet to get there (yes, I’ve had donors do it), the effect of the contrast is felt more intensely.

The amount of money does not correlate to the professionalism of the giving. There are no rules for how to do this, and philanthropists are genuinely accountable to no one except their families. This structure means they can get creative with how they give money away. Some people hire entire staffs that do deep research, landscape reports, and make recommendations based on a data-driven approach. You’ll come across people attempting to calculate the most lives they can save per dollar. It’s a fascinating practice.

On the other hand, you’ll find people engaging in “trust-based” philanthropy, which requires very little of the organizations receiving the funds. It’s writing a check and trusting the organization to deliver its promises.

Gatekeepers are often decision-makers. I’ve attended many fundraising trainings that teach people how to “get past the gatekeepers.” It isn’t very intelligent. The so-called “gatekeepers” are often the ones making the decisions. Never underestimate the power of a program officer at the philanthropy, an executive assistant, or a chief of staff. Treat them all like they’re the donor - get them excited about your mission, and they will be your ally.

Persistence is everything. I am not a philanthropy advisor because I hate saying no to people. But even working in the same office as our team, I receive at least two pitches daily from people who want my boss’s money. How often do I get a single follow-up email? 10% of the time. Two follow-up emails? 1% at best.

Very few people find follow-up annoying. For most people, it’s beneficial - especially if you include a new piece of information in every one of your follow-up messages. We’ll discuss this later, but for now, know — persistence is everything. No one is ghosting you. They have different priorities. It’s your job to cut through those priorities.

My friend had a nonprofit she was starting late in 2020. She called us, we liked her but couldn’t help. She called us a few months later. We began to text. We become friends. She asked me for advice. I asked her for advice. She kept talking to the decision-makers on our team in the same way. In 2021 we wrote a small check. In 2022 we did the same. In 2023, we introduced her to a few donors who filled her budget. She was like a dog with a bone—friendly, but wouldn’t let go. It paid off for her, and it will pay off for you.

The more money on the table, the more confidence is required. Donors don’t want to hear your desperation. They want a viable organization. Viability is like the old Chris Rock story - if you’re out of gas on the side of the road, don’t wave your hands and ask for help. Start pushing your car, and someone will come along and help you move. Donors want to see you doing a lot with a little. Never be embarrassed or afraid to tell that story.

The more power someone has, the fewer words they use in an email. I’ve written beautiful, well-crafted, multiple-paragraph emails to billionaires, and their response is often something like “ok.” or “no thanks” or “what’s this.” If you want a response to your emails, make them very short.

Pay attention to values. Above all, philanthropy is a deeply personal act that reflects an individual’s values, beliefs, and passions. Whether it’s a commitment to social justice, a concern for the environment, or a personal connection to a specific cause, these intrinsic motivators can be powerful drivers of giving. Please pay special attention when people discuss the values they want to pass on to their children. Family is everything for most people of any socioeconomic status.

Wealth alone does not guarantee philanthropic behavior. Recently I was in a cartoonish room in Miami — people were smoking cigars and talking about the sports teams they owned, but no one was giving to charity. Not even 1%. Don’t be surprised when people aren’t giving.

Pay attention to peer influence. We are social creatures, and our peers’ and communities’ norms and behaviors influence our giving behaviors. Recognizing and celebrating philanthropy can foster a culture of giving and encourage others to contribute. People give (and choose their amounts) based on the five people they spend the most time with.

Viability is critical. Donors need to trust that you will use their contributions effectively and ethically. Transparency, accountability, and a track record of impact can significantly influence a potential donor’s decision to give. As a fundraiser, it can be hard to hear this because it feels like you spend so much of your time proving your organization’s worth. That’s correct; you do. But a mistake I see a lot is folks conflating their worthiness with having to prove the viability of their organizations. Whether or not a donor thinks your organization is worthy, you are worthy.

Picture yourself selling cars. If you were selling minivans and someone wanted a sports car, their rejection of your minivan is not a rejection of you as a person. And often, whether the minivan is safe, reliable, or good on gas doesn’t matter. If they want a sports car, they’ll buy a sports car. Your job is to prove the viability of the minivan and then let them decide.

Competition is a myth. Nonprofits often see each other as competition (Sierra Club vs. Greenpeace, for example). Donors don’t see it that way. Donors decide whether to give to you, invest in a company, or buy a new vacation home. There is enough money for everyone to thrive. If a donor asks you to compare yourself to another organization, always speak positively of them.

Despite their wealth and class privilege, donors encounter natural obstacles in putting their giving into action. They often face complexities around their wealth. If you don’t know it, you should start understanding “liquidity.” I can write a check if I have $100k in the bank. If my house is paid for and worth $100k, I can’t sell it for at least a few months. In both cases, I have $100k, but the money in the bank is more “liquid” (movable) than the house. My favorite example of this is a donor in Oklahoma who told me he’d give to us, but “only after he sold a few cows.” You might also see complicated family situations. My friend is about to inherit an eight-figure sum of money, but his siblings are suing him. He has promised a check, but the timing and size of it will depend on the lawsuit. Donors often need help with inherent tensions in their approach toward giving, especially if their cause is more controversial than a museum or university. Social justice philanthropy, in particular, suffers from this - families have different politics, and navigating those politics to make a gift is often tricky. Donors have philosophical tensions too — for example, is it better to give to the immediate need (e.g., the funeral expenses of a black man killed by the police) or the systemic change (e.g., reforming police unions)? Is giving to smaller, riskier organizations or more prominent, more established, safer choices better? Each donor decides these questions in their way. Some will barely have thought about it, while others will have an entirely written dissertation. Another tension that often comes up in donor psychology is how donors want connection and hands-on involvement but often need to step further into setting the organization’s direction. It’s your job as a fundraiser to help develop these boundaries. Donors are also either in an accumulation or a giving mindset, knowing which is essential. Accumulators can still be givers but will give at a much lower level than their capabilities. I’ve had very little success with young venture capitalists or hedge fund managers but much more success when they feel like they’ve reached the peak of their careers. Build the relationships early, but don’t be surprised if they take time to nurture if someone is still accumulating wealth. That’s the best time to be a fundraiser — when better to start them thinking about generosity?

Do your best to safeguard your donors from their worst instincts — specifically fear and greed. Generosity is the antidote to both. Desire is alluring, and fear drives self-preservation and a scarcity mindset. Both are potent enemies to combat. But by cultivating an ethos of benevolence, we can counteract the corrosive influences of fear and greed, unlocking the transformative potential of philanthropy to uplift communities and foster enduring positive change.